We say the best sex comes without an orgasm

Changing Your Sexual Perspective

Your Questions … 

 What is ‘pleasure-focused sex’?

 What is ‘goal-focused sex’?

 How can I improve my sex life today?

Answered. 

Today, we’re going to talk about a very important topic that can totally change your sexual game. It’s also a radical shift in the world of sex therapy and sex coaching as well. 

Following this advice, you should be able to enjoy sexual activities more and find more positivity in your sex life!

In the media, with our friends and in almost any sexually-based conversation, the focus is always on the orgasm. 

We’re not denying that orgasms are wonderful but why are you focusing on what is (usually) the curtain-call in sex? 

Why do sexual activities have a goal?

Doesn’t the rest count for anything?

Focusing on the orgasm can lead to a whole host of issues that are preventing you from taking your pleasure to the next level. 

Something many of us are guilty of is called orgasm watching. That’s when you’re waiting, watching and hoping for an orgasm. 

Doing this completely shifts your focus from the sexual activities towards just a single moment. It can also lead to intense performance anxiety. 

 What if you don’t experience an orgasm?

 What if you take too long to orgasm?

 What if you orgasm too quickly? 

 What if my ‘O-face’ isn’t flattering?

All the things you’re worrying about surrounding the moment of climax are probably preventing you from getting there!

Imagine… enjoying all the activities that can lead to experiencing an orgasm.

Really feeling the touch from fingertips, savouring the feelings of bodily stimulation, the way desire rises in your throat and fills your pelvis with red-hot energy. 

Just focusing on receiving touch and pleasure rather than giving it can completely change your erotic experience! 

This is what is called pleasure-focused sexuality. 

Your partner(s) is/are focusing on making you feel good, that’s because they want you to feel good! They want to see you enjoy the sexual experience as a whole, not just one aspect. So, give them what they want and stay pleasure-focused! 

Also, you can teach your partner what you’re doing and encourage them to try it as well.

Focusing on your pleasure isn’t selfish.

Try taking turns and simply receive pleasure from touch one at a time, this will give you permission to erase the feelings of guilt and the need to return certain forms of stimulation. 

***Pro-Tip*** This is also a basic meditation exercise, so while you’re receiving the pleasure, try and also think of it as a meditative practice and sink into the moment!

We strongly encourage working this into your solo-sex practices as well. Being present in your body can be super-hot when you’re alone as well!

What do you think?

 Do you think your sex life is pleasure-focused or goal-oriented?

 Have you tried any pleasure-focused sexual activities?

 Have you been guilty of “orgasm watching”?

Let us know in the sextion below!

If you enjoyed this pleasure-positive article, please share it on social media! Don’t forget to give a quick tag @myamora shop

Get out there, get in there and get off there! 

Elaine S. Turner 

Sex Coach, Clinical Sexologist & Sexuality Educator 

elaine@sexwithelaine.com

Sydney, Australia

September 2020

Please remember everyone while we are Sexperts, we are not medical professionals. This site does not provide medical advice. Nothing can replace that specific medical knowledge so if you want more information, ask a doctor or other medical professional. This is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Do not ignore advice from a medical professional. Information here is gathered from reputable sources, however, this should not be considered a tool for self-treatment or diagnosis. If you have an emergency, please contact local emergency assistance immediately.

Works Cited 

Foley, S., MSW, Kope, S. A., MSW, & Sugrue, D. P., PhD. (2012). Chapter Fifteen: Overcoming Sexual Difficulties. In Sex matters for women: A complete guide to taking care of your sexual self (2nd ed., pp. 360-401). New York, NY: Guilford Press.