5 Reasons he always wants sex - but what if I don´t!?


Sexual incompatibility might just be the most common thorn in the side of relationships all over the world. Not being “In the mood”, a swinging libido or completely different sexual needs may all contribute to the deal breaker that he might just be too much to handle. Even the most sexually compatible couples have unique sex drives, that’s what keeps it interesting!

Before we play with the ideas of better sex, more intense orgasms or sexual experimentation we should be answering questions like, “Do I feel like having sex?”, “Am I in the mood?” and “Am I doing this for myself, or someone else?”. Before we get into the nitty gritty let’s get one thing straight, just because Mary has been slipping off her chair at the slightest whiff of Lynx Axe since the 8th grade, it doesn’t mean you should be. Intimacy starts with you, if you’re not feeling it (which is perfectly natural) you shouldn’t feel pressured into anything.

Why Does He Always Want Sex?

Remember, everyone is different so there is no one answer or solution to this question.  Here are a few reasons why he might be coming on strong.

Emotional Needs – Wanting sex occasionally is healthy, wanting it constantly is the sign of a problem. If he wants sex all the time it might be driven by anxiety and the need for the emotional and physical release that comes with sexual activity. Sex might be seen as a tool to feel better as opposed to a connection. If this is the case it’s important to address the underlying problem as sex will put stain on your relationship and only provide a short term solution.

Social Expectations – Sex sells because it attracts attention and plays on human desire. Everyday we are exposed to sex in numerous ways, shapes and forms on the daily, if not more! The impression that sex is normal, frequent and accessible might be pushing him to push you. If this is the case, communication is key that you might have different expectations of what is healthy for your relationship.

Peaked Interest – Have you ever seen, heard or imagined something that made you drift off subconsciously into a real of sexual taboo, desire and fantasy? Which is totally healthy by the way, humans are curious creatures. Perhaps something has got your mans blood boiling and he is looking to take it out on you. Try asking him what’s got him so excited, perhaps it will excite you too?

High Libido – Influenced by biological, physiological and social factors this is ones overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity. A simple explanation is that he just desires more sex, which is perfectly normal and healthy, but it doesn’t mean you need to oblige!

Cloud Nine – Maybe this is his way of expressing his infatuation for you? Flirting, kissing and touching is his form of expression. Take it as a compliment because it is! Just explain that for you cuddling and smooching is just as good as third base – if not better. It doesn’t always need to end in sex.  

What Should I Do?

Communication is key, it’s the basis for any successful and fulfilling relationship. If you aren’t aroused, feeling sexual or in the mood say so. Although it might seem obvious to you, perhaps it isn’t to him! Initially he might be taken back at the thought that you’re not attracted to him or sexually disinterested, which is why it’s important to explain why you might not be feeling it. The earlier you breach the topic the better.

Arousal is psychological as much as it is physical, you might just need to mix things up a little. Perhaps the thought of other kinds of sexual activity like foreplay, sensual kissing and talking dirty tickle your fancy, so why not suggest experimenting in the bedroom? Most women take longer to become sexually aroused so there is no need to rush, the chase it half the fun!

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