Mythbusting: The Female Orgasm

What Science Has Taught Us

Your Questions … 

I have never had an orgasm from sex, am I normal?

Does the female orgasm exist?

Why can’t I have an orgasm?

Can I learn how to have an orgasm?

Answered. 

Welcome back, our sexy friends! Today we’re going to teach you a little bit about the daunting topic of female orgasm. 

An area of constant debate, the female orgasm has long been shrouded in myth and mystery. It’s because of all of this myth and mystery that a whole lot of wrong information is floating around out there. 

Let’s walk through some of these myths and questions together. 

Okay, this is an easy one. Yes, the female orgasm exists. As difficult as it is to study, we still know a lot about it. A woman can experience many different kinds of orgasm. Penetrative, nipple, clitoral, anal, the list goes on! 

According to a 2018 study, anywhere from 10-40% of women had difficulty or were unable to reach an orgasm during sexual activity. (Rowland, Cempel, Tempel 2018) In another 2015 study, a total of 14% of women under 35 years of age had never had an orgasm from intercourse (Kontula, 2015) 

Woah. Those are big numbers. 🤭

No wonder why there are people that believe it doesn’t exist. Unlike what we see in movies and pornography, a woman reaching orgasm from penetrative sex alone is actually a bit of an anomaly. 

There is a myriad of reasons why a female-bodied person may have difficulty or a perceived inability to experience an orgasm, however, that makes them the rule, not the exception. 

Well, we can’t be the ones to tell you exactly why you haven’t had an orgasm yet, however, you are capable of it! 🥰

Some of the most common reasons why women have difficulty experiencing an orgasm at all, let alone an orgasm from penetrative sex are: 

• Orgasm watching: This is obsessively watching for the signs of an orgasm, or pressure from your partner to “get there.” This causes a fear of disappointment or performance anxiety in one or both partners which *shocker* makes it really hard to experience an orgasm 👀

• Insufficient Learning: We are sorry to say that this is super common. Either the person looking to have an orgasm, or their partner(s) simply do not understand the female body well. This also includes taking responsibility for your pleasure and figuring out what gets you going alone before trying to get to that place with a partner. 
• Feeling Self Conscious: Ah, the classic lack of confidence too many women suffer from. Of course, if we experience these feelings in our daily lives, they’re going to come to the bedroom with us. Being naked and vulnerable with a partner is scary by itself, it becomes even worse when you’re busy trying to suck in your stomach and arch your back in the sexy porno way, how can you focus on the pleasure you’re receiving? 
• Holding Back Feelings: This also may sound obvious but having any reserved or hidden feelings towards your partner or about protecting yourself. This is going to make it difficult to trust letting go in front of them.

Now, this is by no means an exhaustive list, however, it is safe to say that these account for a large majority of the reasons why you’re not having an orgasm, yet. 

Just know, you are not alone. It is 100% normal to never experience an orgasm! 

Also, consider the fact that the G-Spot – the main pleasure giver during penetrative sex. It is located only about two and a half to eight centimetres inside the vagina. Therefore, it doesn’t usually get stimulated much by the penis during intercourse. 

The short answer is yes, you can learn how to have an orgasm. You can learn how to have an orgasm from your clitoris, from your g-spot, in your butt and a combination of them all! However, it is up to you to decide that you’re ready for the change. 

There are countless articles out there with how-to lists and guides, and we have all kinds of toys that will tickle your fancy here. 

But if you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed by the amount of misinformation out on the market, don’t worry you’re not alone. 

This is why there are sex coaches in this world. 

Sex coaches are here to help you focus on your goal of experiencing an orgasm and getting you where you want to be. A little bit of orgasmic training could change your sex life, a lot. Not to mention make masturbation a heck of a lot more fun! 

So, the choice is yours. If you want to talk to someone about this or want to learn more about sex coaching, we’re here to help! 

We want to hear from you, our sexy friends!

What does an orgasm feel like for you?

Have you experienced difficulty having an orgasm?

Which kind of orgasmic stimulation is your favourite? 

What other female orgasm myths have you been told?

Share your stories with us in the comments below!

If you enjoyed this article, feel free to share it on social media, just don’t forget to give us a little love @myamorashop.

Get out there, get in there and get off there!

Elaine S. Turner

Sex Coach, Clinical Sexologist & Sexuality Educator

Sydney, Australia

August 2020